I started playing piano at the age of 7 and remember telling everyone I was going to be a traveling concert pianist. Fast forward many years, and now I have 3 little boys and am a stay at home mom. Isn’t it so funny how our dreams can change? In college, I worked so hard to obtain my degree in music education. After graduating, I then met my husband. I knew I wanted to continue to play and teach music, and being a mom was in the back of my mind. My desires started to shift once I had kids. Although I knew music would still be a part of my life, putting my kids first was important to me. Being in the middle of motherhood is hard. So much comes at you on any given day. I have three rowdy little boys and they are seriously the best. But, they also need lots of my time and energy. In motherhood, it is easy to lose ourselves and our desires. I knew I needed to figure out how to still be me even in the middle of motherhood. There are many ways for how to not lose yourself as a mom. I want to share with you a few ways that have worked for me.
Just because I have kids doesn’t mean I am not still passionate about music. I have taught elementary music, have played piano for numerous choirs and soloists, and have taught private piano lessons. My career looks a little different now since I am teaching online. Whether you work part time, full time, from home, stay at home mom, or you homeschool, the choice is yours. When my boys were little, I took a few years off and just focused on motherhood. I think life goes in seasons. If you are in the season of babies and feel like that is what you want to focus on, great! If you work full time, great! If you work from home, great! I think find what works for you and what you are passionate about and do that. My passion is music, so although I love being a mom, I will always pursue music also.
In my life, I volunteer weekly at my boys school and at my church. Since I am a former educator, I know how important having parent volunteers is. At my church, I play piano on the worship team and also help out with other events from time to time. There are so many ways you can volunteer your time. Find what makes you happy, whether it is at your kids school, your church, the homeless shelter, being a mentor, or anything else you can think of. Sometimes just volunteering your time and doing something for others is so great.
The days I have noticed are really hard is when I’m trying to juggle too much at once. If you feel like you are having one of those days where you are losing your mind, these 10 song lyrics should help. When I am trying to work on my website, practice piano, or talk to a friend or family member on the phone, my kids get to me more. During the hard days, try to find some comedic relief, watch a movie together, sit on their floor and play with them, or just try to talk. I notice with my own kids, when they can see I’m busy with a lot of other things, that is when they act out and want my attention. I think it is all about finding a balance between their needs and yours and to make sure you are spending quality time with your children.
Developing friendships has been a huge part of how to not lose myself as a mom. My husband is a great support system, but let’s get real. As moms, we need to connect with other moms. Making friends as an adult, especially as a busy mom, is hard. Maybe you are looking to make new friends or are trying to keep in contact with your old friends. Some things that I do are to…
- have weekly phone calls with your long distance friends
- set up coffee dates with your current friends
- make friends with similar interests
- join a local mom group
- make friends at church
Making friends, and finding the time to get together, is so hard. I think it is important that we are intentional with our time and invest in friendships. If we do this, the reward is so great and the support you will receive in your motherhood is amazing.
On the days that are really long and hard (you know the kind I’m talking about), it is important to me that we get out of the house. It is always amazing how much better my kids moods get when we just get out of the house and go exploring. We enjoy being together and taking adventures, whether to a park, to the local kids museum, or even to our closest fast food joint. Being able to see the boys having fun and being kids makes every hard moment totally worth it.
I don’t know about you, but I thrive on alone time. I don’t think we can pour into our kids until we have poured into ourselves first. Your alone time may be reading, praying, watching T.V., going to a store by yourself, or going to get a pedicure. Obviously there are several other things you can do for alone time that I didn’t mention. Every person is different and your alone time is whatever works for you. We get so busy taking care of our kids, that sometimes just having alone time is what we need to recharge. Finding time to be alone can be hard. If you are married, have your husband watch the kids for a couple of hours. If you are a single mom, hire a babysitter or have your kids go to a friends house for a play date. I think we are all in this thing we call motherhood together and are all willing to support each other. Sometimes all you need to do is simply ask for help and not feel guilty about doing it.
What are ways you have worked on how to not lose yourself as a mom?